I Love Short Shorts

Style and Grace: Gary Gait

“Who Loves Short Shorts? We Love Short Shorts”

Anyone remember that ad campaign? I can’t recall the product, but the jingle is stuck in my head now. And so is the video itself – some real nice lady stems parading around the TV screen.

Then there was that mint song by the 69 Boys: “Look at them girls with the daisy dukes on. Come on baby, kick them daisies.” Don’t remember that one? Well I guess you weren’t lucky enough to be a teenager in the mid nineties. I think I’ll go download the ringtone when I’m done with this post.

To be fair, few images are finer than those conjured in the above 2 examples. But where are the televisions spots and lyrical masterpieces extolling the guys who aren’t afraid to flaunt some man thigh?

I write not to throw my sexuality in question, but to lament the disappearance of athletic “shorts.”

Today’s shorts are not that at all.

Aesthetics aside, a split dodge or between the legs dribble in basketball must have been much more efficient back in the day.

I bring this up because my middle school team complained this past season that their shorts were too small. Ahhhh, this brought back great memories of my Freshman year at Tufts (1998) when our uniforms were relics from the early 80s and our nut hugging brown trunks were fodder for the worst away game heckling I’ve ever experienced. But I digress. Back to my middle school team. I tried to convince my players that they were studs in these great uniforms and the girls would be watching them, not the opponents. It was no use.

Call me nostalgic, but you tell me which of these looks cooler, more stylish, more intimidating:

NO CONTEST, RIGHT?

Would you take a charge from Walt? PuhLease – Those quads would knock you unconscious.

And those socks. Where did those go?